"Living from the Source"

We live in an age where news, advertising and social media are intertwined. A.I. is here, and there is an app for everything. For many of us, the phone is the first thing we look at in the morning, and the last thing we see at night.

Digital tools offer us the promise of social connection, wealth, personal efficiency, weight loss, and even relaxation and sleep. You name it, and there is a digital tool out there offering to help us solve our problems and be 1% better each day.

But we are bombarded. With a million notifications, ads, videos, posts, comment threads, how much of this "information" can we really process before we go on overload? How much of the time we spend online is actually serving our well-being? Is it building us up or tearing us down? Or does it just leave us in some sort of nondescript "meh" space in between: a space where we meander like a lost child at an amusement park. Is it feeding our creative spirit, or is it just an escape?

Many times, when I have felt overwhelmed, burned out, or simply just had a bad day, I would find myself mindlessly scrolling through a barrage of videos and ads. There's no question I had other options at the time: I could read a book, call a friend, work on a song, learn some job/tech skills, meditate/pray, or even just go for a walk. Yet this is what I had chosen to do.

The "doom scroll" was an all-too-easy, seductive escape from it all: a rapid succession of short term "distraction highs" vying for my attention, telling me who I need to be, how I need to change, or what I need to feel, or what I need buy to improve or fix something in my life.

Yes, it's fun to goof off sometimes with some funny videos or anecdotal, philosophical posts. I will agree these things have their place. Yet more often than not, when I would finally turn off the phone, I was left feeling a kind of hollow, vague sense of isolation. I was definitely not "1% better" - I often felt more disconnected than ever.

It's easy to forget that at least when we are not at work, we have a choice when we respond to texts, how much we're on social media, when we turn off our phones, or simply just how we choose to spend our time.

When I was younger, every so often I would find myself on a bus to Atlantic City to hit the casino slots. My particular poison was a slot machine called "Wheel of Fortune." (Yes, based on the game show.) With Wheel of Fortune, if you were lucky, you could land on "SPIN": the slot machine would produce flashing lights, make whizzing sounds, and as the wheel turned, there was the chance of a win fall or a bonus. What if I could win enough money that would somehow take me out of my current situation or problem? Wouldn't that be amazing to just win, have a bunch of money, and escape everything that was ailing me, without my having to do anything but be lucky?

Of course, nine times out of ten on these trips I would lose money, and usually quite a bit more than I planned. ("Planned" may be a strong word.) As I got on the bus home, leaving the lights and sounds of Atlantic City, most often I felt like an empty shadow. It was a long bus ride back home. In a strange way, the feeling I had was not too far off from how I would feel after a long doom-scrolling session (though maybe less draining on the wallet.)

My point here is that I believe we need to be really intentional about how we spend our time overall, let alone our free time. Because in a very real way our time is not free. It is profoundly limited, and one day it will all be gone - we will be gone.

So who are you when you step away from your phone? Who are you apart from your job? What gives you strength or joy? Are you doing the things that make you happy for even a small part of the day? If not, why not? What do you really want? What do you need, and how can you manifest it to live a more meaningful life for yourself? Is there anything that you like to do that ignites your spirit? Do you know what it is? Have you taken the time to find out?

I believe there is a "source" in each of us - an essential nature that transcends our daily experience. It is who we are beyond the ups and downs of the day, a basic life-force, a kind of divine energy in each of us that is with us for our entire lives. And I believe that this source is something it would serve us well to come to know deeply.

If we can take the time to get to know this part of ourselves, to know what motivates us on a deeper level, it can help us create a more meaningful road map to be happier overall - to feel a greater sense of purpose in our lives.

A sense of purpose can bring faith in ourselves; it reminds us we are "enough" - and can give us the confidence that we possess an inner wisdom that can guide us to make better choices. Simply put, when we can embrace our essential nature, we can enrich our lives and make choices more aligned with who we are on a deeper level, and we are more likely to say 'no' or change course when we feel removed from it.

But let's face it, "living from the source" sounds great when everything in our lives is going well, or we don't actively have to protect our time. It's quite another thing when we are mired in grief, depression, overwork, anxiety, or we're broke. Or we simply have a ton of responsibilities that pull at our time. We do not live in a vacuum; we live in a complex social world. Life throws us all kinds of events... turbulence... blessings... and setbacks. It can be easy to lose touch with ourselves, particularly when life feels too painful or unmanageable.

Like many of you, I have suffered tragedy, loss, sadness, horror, as well as experienced joy, success and of course, failure. I've experienced the complicated relationships that I have found that have often come with being alive. Often in the effort to manage responsibilities, please others, or even just handle the daily problems of life, I would lose sight of how to access, preserve and protect that "source" in myself.

In some cases a feeling of lack or anxiety drove me to push myself to learn new skills or work on a craft, and in that sense it could sometimes have some type of positive benefit. Though numerous times I have looked to external things outside of myself for internal validation, and inevitably there would be some sort of fallout as a result. Sometimes it was work burnout, unhealthy relationship dynamics, or on the other extreme, isolation. Then I would have to regroup and really think about what part I had playing in getting myself into this situation. Sometimes I would get so removed from the source inside myself that I would all but forget it was there. Through countless painful experiences I have learned how to handle this better, this is a huge part of why I am writing this post. I want to share with others some insights I've gleaned from years of making mistakes in the hopes others may save some time and grief in their own lives.

Whatever is happening right now, take a moment to think about you, outside of the external constraints and devices all around you. Get to you know yourself inside and out.

The next time you are feeling "stuck" perhaps you can take a moment to consider:

• What if you are simply "enough" - regardless of what life throws your way? (hint: you are)

• What if you just chose to have faith in your own source (for whatever that means to you), and chose to live by that source and intuition, and listen to where it is guiding you?

• What if you simply chose to have faith in your own ability to face the problems that are plaguing your life?

• What if you took some time just for yourself, and gave yourself space to brainstorm on what you love deeply, and what ignites your spirit?

When we get "stuck" over and over again, we often need a change in the way we are thinking. I have written about this type of mindset shift in other posts. I believe we need to live these concepts experientially, ask ourselves questions, take consistent actions, and really embody our decisions to experience any kind of real change.

The change I speak of, in my opinion, is really quite ethereal and fluid, and is experienced in subtle shifts that lead up to bigger changes. However, it may require a leap of faith to simply decide to trust yourself as a starting point.

Decide to trust in that "source" in yourself. Do it as an experiment. Take some time to find out who you are on a deep level, and what that "source" means to you.

Recently I was going through yet another tricky work week with more questions than answers about handling a complex project. I felt myself very anxious, wanting to either run away from the situation or hide in the background, and neither of those feelings was an option. There were more tasks than hours in the day, complicated project problems that did not have a simple answer by any means, and solutions that would rely on feedback from a myriad of folks with next to zero available time to collaboratively solve them. In the meantime, I have often felt introverted in the workplace, and I was experiencing in myself very introverted instincts. Yet one morning, I made the decision to simply have faith that I would figure out an answer to any problem that came my way; to have faith that I would be able to access whatever strength I needed to persevere. I also chose that if that was not enough, that that was ok - I would fail. Maybe I would ask for help and simply explain that I did not have an answer to the problems at hand. But I would show up, and bring myself to the table.

That day I found myself accessing more of myself without feeling burned out; I found that I had more accessible creative energy, and I found myself more able to brainstorm potential solutions, and actually got more work done in the process... and I felt less anxious about failure. I also reached out to others to discuss some of these problems with some ideas on how we might address them to see what they felt - this was also helpful, because then I wasn't just experiencing this in a vacuum and could benefit from their experience as well.

As James Altucher says, "Choose Yourself."

Choose to believe in yourself. Find out what makes you tick.

Your mind, your choices, your actions, your circumstances, have all lead you to the place you are right now. And if you are unhappy, you can make a shift to change your situation.

Each human being is a deep well of resources, each with their own gifts. It is up to us to explore that well and know ourselves. I believe if we can do this, we will find that our lives will have another dimension of purpose and meaning to them.

To me this is what it means to live from the source, but ultimately what it means to you is what matters.

Live from the source. You deserve that much.